Are you always looking at your watch, frantically setting your alarms, deadlines are inching up and you’re about to age into yet another decade? Or maybe your inner metronome is irregularly ticking, skipping important beats because you've let too much time go by and aren't paying attention to the state of your groove. Thanks to the success of The TIMESNATCHER, you can finally get access to some spare time which translates into.... More Time!
This catchy ad campaign was brilliantly conceived by entrepreneurial wizards, Salina LaCaloca and her partner Minni DuLopolis, after they discovered that their revolutionary time management device, The TIMESNATCHER, provided minutes upon minutes of spare time to employees.
The Time Snatcher, a retrofitted clock crown that attaches to a modernized time device, allows the user to move time forward or backward by a minute. It was developed as an antidote to the vicious side-effects of the switch to daylight saving's time when U.S. citizens are mandated to roll their clocks forward one hour. This time change is expecially hard on long time sufferers of Seasonal Ineffective Disorder. A condition that is characterized by exhaustion, moodiness, memory loss, word retrieval issues and general loss of focus. In addition, Salina and Minnie noticed that the employee absenteeism and tardiness increased by 70% at this time of year and calculated a financial loss of nearly 6.8 million dollars.
"We know that time is money, and we were losing so much of both! The TIMESNATCHER was our solution. Boy does it work," extolled Minnie! "Now that employees have been turning their clocks forward 1 minute a day since January 14th, the company has been completely re-energized. We have less absenteeism, increased productivity and sunnier dispositions," praised Salina. But, that isn’t all that the Time Snatcher has given to this bright, eco-conscious, employee-centered company, it has also provided minutes upon minutes of spare time to employees who are now arriving earlier and earlier each day to work.
In response to overwhelming employee requests for ways to use and store this newly discovered spare time, Sagewaters launched a Time Snatcher spin-off website TIME2SPARE.CON, an exciting concept for people who want a say over how their extra minutes will be spent.
'Time to spare', a commonly used expression that is often accompanied by either a wistful tone, or a disparaging tone depending upon whether the speaker wishes he had more time, or disdainfully makes a judgment about how another person chooses to spend time, is thought to be the perfect soundbite for Sagewaters' new endeavor. "We're really invested in the idea that people want to feel positively about the limited time they have on this planet!" Salina gushed.
TIME2SPARE.CON provides two online options:
Option 1: www.timeshare.con
Simply join Timeshare for a small fee and get a certain number of minutes per month. When you are running out of time, just log into your account and get your minutes. It’s that simple. If you don’t use all of your earned minutes, you can bank them in a time savings account to be used on an “oops my alarm didn’t go off” kind of day.
Option 2: www.timebay.con
This is the preferred method for people who already have some spare time and like the spontaneity of the auction stand. Here, Sagewaters employees who wish to make a little extra money can put their spare time onto the auction block. With timebay, employees simply log on with their extra minutes, set the number of minutes available, and how long they wish the bidding to go. It works a lot like ebay. Whoever wins the auction gets the minutes. "It's just so simple! I don't know why it's taken us so long to figure it out!" chortled Minnie.
This new time2spare.con site is going public tomorrow at 8:00AM Universal Time.
Finally you can toast to your friends with an extra glass of time! So take the plunge and regain lost minutes in just a few seconds.
DISCLAIMER: All stories in The Snee, though timely ARE NOT real. If you are tempted to use a timesnatching device, and subtract one minute a day from your personal timekeeper, please tell your friends the idea was yours!
PROCLAIMER: Tomorrow is the big day! Remember to "spring your clocks forward' one hour after midnight! If you are interested in Seasonal Ineffective Disorder, or the benefits of Sage Water and the TimeSnatcher please refer to our archived post, SEASONAL BLUES BE GONE!
Also, a special thank you to clip art and google images for their photojournalistic prowess.