While former Massachusetts Governor, Mitt Romney was engaged in an election debate with President Barack Obama, Ann Romney was busily scoping out the fashion week runways in Paris to look for the perfect gown to wear to the inaugural ball. Unfortunately, on her way to the fashion show, Ann found herself doing kegels in order to keep her pressured bladder in check. "I was dying," she said. " I really tried to hold it, but I couldn't." Desperate not to use one of those Turkish Toilet holes, Ann ran into McDonalds. She briskly ordered a diet coke, grabbed her receipt and went to stand in line at the McDonald's Toilette. She showed her receipt and gained entry to the bathroom. Much relieved, she returned to her limo. It was then that she had an epiphany.
She called Mitt on the phone to tell him about her toilette experience. “Mitt I had to buy something to use the toilet! It dawned on me that with all the aging bladders, McDonalds is making a mint. At the idea of a mint, Mitt’s interest was piqued.
His business instincts clicked in as he realized that there was an untapped market out there. No need to tax his wealthy friends. As long as women urgently needed to relieve their pressured bladders, commerce would thrive and jobs could be created.
Referring to one of his infamous binders, Mitt took the principles of Trickle Down Economics and applied it to his new business model for stimulating job growth world wide. "I call it Tinkle-Down Economics," he said proudly to a journalist from the Economist.
“My Pay to Pee business model will stimulate job growth in bathroom equipment and the toilet paper industry. I predict that toilet production will double in one year after instituting this plan. Local gas stations and fast food restaurants will also see a boost in sales as women who need bathrooms buy chewing gum, chips, candy bars, and bottled beverages. More sales mean that more money is being infused into the economy!” Mitt Romney triumphantly told a crowd of supporters who chanted in unison, “pay to pee, pay to pee!”
President Obama promptly responded to Mitt Romney's new job stimulation program. “Mr. Romney’s tinkle down economic plan is exploitive to women who have a right to free pee. Mandating that women buy something just because they have to urinate is not optimal and is beyond disrespectful. It's interesting to me that Governor Romney says he respects women but he doesn't even want to give them a pot to piss in!
Urinary Tract Infections(UTI) and Bladder Infections Steeply Rise in Female Population as Women try to Hold their Bladders!
Ocean Spray Donates Cranberry Juice to Planned Parenthood to Help Women Suffering from UTIs!
Dehydrated Women Swarm Emergency Rooms as Women Curtail Water Consumption to Limit Pee Stops!
Health Insurance Companies Refuse to cover Kegel exercises and Bladder Suspensions!
Sunoco, Exxon, BP and Irving, Gas and Oil Companies, Endorse Mitt Romney's Pay to Pee Plan!
The Wall Street Journal Condemns Tinkle Down Economics! "Romney's Pay to Pee Plan Guarantees that our Economy will be stuck in the shitter".
Susan Komen Breast Cancer Fund Unveils Pretty Pink Outhouses for Women to Use on Road Trips!
DISCLAIMER: The Sometimes, Never, Eventual Express is a Satire News Site. All news items are completely fictional.
PROCLAIMER: Do you pay to pee? I do. Hmmm.....