Are you tired of your face?
Plastic surgeons are now bringing their state of the art technology directly to you the consumer, called THE PLUG. All you need is a toolbox to achieve the results you crave. Simply drill holes anywhere into your face and stick in the desired facial features. Based on Mr. Potato Head technology, people can now take advantage of this easy solution to making your old face into a new face. Combine blue eyes with a red nose, or put earrings on your new pink ears. Face parts and accessories come in all shapes, sizes and colors so you never have to be stuck with just one look!
Granny Smith, the new face of Apple Computers, generously agrees to show us how she looks in hair and make up before she uses her plugs to transform her look.
DISCLAIMER: Product Promotions on The SNEE are completely, 100% fictional and are not recommended for use on living creatures of any kind. Side effects include: disfiguring holes, leakage, and premature decay.
PROCLAIMER Any attempt to drill holes into your face would be a huge mistake! On days when your self-esteem is lacking, go into your beauty stash and put on some lipstick, sunglasses and a hat. You'll immediately feel better just for trying!
Fresh, tasty, all-natural
Drink the Wisdom! It only takes a Minute!
Organic, locally grown, handwoven,
Weather Resistant, Lightweight, Strong, Insulating,
Absorbent And Durable
Go Green and Get high on life while you play.
Post-Holiday Sale: DUMPING!
NO MORE SLIPPERY SHOULDERS
Stop Purse Slippage Today!
Be confident that with your shoulders, you can
accomplish anything when you stick to it!
Don't Trash It- Stash It!
Are you tired of sweating over how to stash unwanted information on your computer that you want to hide from others, but aren't quite ready to trash? PC makers have finally given our desperate customers a solution! We're calling our new icon the SKELETON CLOSET!
Key features include:
Key hole for peeking!
5 hangers with initial purchase!
Simply hang your dirty secrets in the closet until you're ready to let them out!
DISCLAIMER Any belief that these product promotional ads are real is an indication of how genuinely and sweetly gullible you are.
PROCLAIMER The Snee's product promotionals are exclusively created for your imaginary pleasure.
We have to spell it to sell it!
OMG! Not him again!
Do you know this man? Of course not? That's the point. This is the white male silhouette (WMS) with a cowlick. He is generically used for all folks, new to facebook, who for one reason or another don't upload their own avatar pic or self-portrait. But what if you aren't that man, and you are another man? Maybe, you're woman and your skin tone isn't quite so fair.
And now, for a limited time only.....to celebrate March is Personalized Silhouette Month, facebook in collaboration with STAR(Shadow Tears and Repairs) is offering the deal of a lifetime- 50% off individually designed silhouettes!
BRACE YOURSELF! THESE PHOTOS BELOW SHOW REAL LIFE ALTERATIONS WITHOUT ANESTHETIC!
See what we mean? Personal, but not recognizable or definable! It's just so easy! In just three easy steps! Go from this.....to that! That's right, This to that!
And with our color-coded, securely encrypted photo process, your transition from face to faceless is 100% private! Imagine privacy guaranteed and all you have to do is give us a photo with a signed release that we own the exclusive rights to market your face when the time is right!
But that's not all!
If you hurry, we will include a free silhouette 1 year maintenance and repair plan. You won't have to worry about tattered edges or faded color like silhouettes on other online sites.
YIKES! This will never happen with our maintenance plan.
facebook is offering a money back guarantee if not 100% satisfied..... and....you're not going to believe this.......FREE! Yes, FREE SPA services specializing in facials and hairstyling so that your silhouette always looks freshly unfaced and well-coiffed on each pageview!
Other services offered include: --Botox and fillers for small imperfections for the aging silhouette. --Laser and bleach treatments to remove excess facial hair, surface blemishes and stains from over use. --Color enhancement to perk up the silhouette that feels more like a wall flower than a wall hanging. --A quick lunch-time threadlift to deal with the silhouette with a lot of loose ends. But we're not done yet! These services are being offered by aesthetic expert surgeon, Dr. Eyevin Lidman who ingeniously discovered that cutting-edge plastic surgery techniques could be used in lieu of handsewing techniques, first introduced by Windy Deerling during the shadow detachment incident this past February when Punxutawny Phil's aging shadow needed emergency rejuvenation on Groundhog's day. Your Silhouette will retain its youthful vigor with our annual rejuvenation plan. Dr. Lidman is a genius! Bleached, Coiffed and Stunningly Silhouettish. But best of all! If you sign on for a personalized silhouette before March 31, 2010..... we'll throw in a personalized Silhouette for your pooch, or other huggable, squeezable, ooh she's so OMG cute!
Other services offered include:
--Botox and fillers for small imperfections for the aging silhouette.
--Laser and bleach treatments to remove excess facial hair, surface blemishes and stains from over use.
--Color enhancement to perk up the silhouette that feels more like a wall flower than a wall hanging.
--A quick lunch-time threadlift to deal with the silhouette with a lot of loose ends.
But we're not done yet!
These services are being offered by aesthetic expert surgeon, Dr. Eyevin Lidman who ingeniously discovered that cutting-edge plastic surgery techniques could be used in lieu of handsewing techniques, first introduced by Windy Deerling during the shadow detachment incident this past February when Punxutawny Phil's aging shadow needed emergency rejuvenation on Groundhog's day. Your Silhouette will retain its youthful vigor with our annual rejuvenation plan.
Dr. Lidman is a genius! Bleached, Coiffed and Stunningly Silhouettish.
But best of all!
If you sign on for a personalized silhouette before March 31, 2010..... we'll throw in a personalized Silhouette for your pooch, or other huggable, squeezable, ooh she's so OMG cute!
You can securely share yourself and your puppy who is omg so cute!
And Best of all of the all!
We promise we'll spell the word Silhouette for you! You just write the abbreviation-Silly. We'll get the message loud and clear!
GET SNAP-ONS TODAY! Limited TIme Offer!
Do they act and do the same things everyday even if the weather changes?
What about your opposable thumbs? Are they overrated? At a party, do you wish, they would stop twirling in a circle? Pinky fingers move like they have a mind of their own when you are playing music, cooking, or dancing? And how is your hand hygiene? Do you spend tons of your hard-earned money on expensive manicures that make you somewhat heady from the toxic nail polish fumes, and then chip the next day? And last, but hardly least, is your animal envy out of control? Do you find yourself wistfully staring at your dog, cat, or goldfish that can live tool free?
Well say goodbye forever to hand ennui; a daunting problem that plagues all humans regardless of their gender, race or socioeconomic situation! The makers of No More Slippery Shoulders have taken their patented magnetic implant technology to develop a brand new product line that promises to liberate people from dependency on their hands. That's right, you read it here first!
Now, you can remove your hands and insert our magnetized SNAP-ONS whenever you need a pick me up, or a solution to a problem that ordinary human hands can't manage without a tool.
SNAP-ON Options Include:
Do you want or need to climb a tree, but are tired of renting a cherry picker, or breaking a nail while struggling to reach a branch? Try out our Squirrel Feet. Their lightness will blow your mind, and it's so much fun to shimmy up and down trunks without a ladder. People might say you're nuts, but you'll know that you only crave them.
Sick of getting painful, red blisters from gripping a shovel for hours while you try to dig a sizable hole to plant a brand new tree? Snap on our patented Dog Paws! Your hole will be dug in minutes, and you'll have fun panting about the bone you unexpectedly want to bury while you do it.
And last, but not least, are you tired of dealing with expensive whole organic chickens that you bought at the market and need to be cut and cleaned? Our Turkey Vulture Talons are sharp and disconcertingly quick. Just one swipe, and your chicken will be eviscerated and ready for eating. Your guests will marvel at your prowess in the kitchen.
But that's not all! if you call today, we will throw in our woodpecker beak for free! It's great for drilling holes when you have a ton of shelving to hang, or favorite pictures to display. That's right! Drill holes anywhere you want and grab some insects for a free protein snack that will boost your energy for the day. All you need to do, is remove your nose.
The procedure is unbelievably simple, quick and painless free! Crackerjack surgeon, Dr. Franco Magnono purchased a pair of finely honed giant shears from the18th century. Then, he hired certified butchers trained in clean cuts to sever the tendons that connect the hand bone to the wrist bone. Dr. Magnono, then inserts a powerful magnetic button exclusively designed to pair with the magnetic Snap-On of your choice into the wrist. Once, the technicians have figured out how to stop the blood flow, you are free to go home with your snap-on devices.
Complications include: Uncontrollable gushing from surgical site. But don't worry. Someone is bound to figure out how to stop the flow so it won't impact your life too much.
are strictly fictional, but could be fun.
PROCLAIMER: If you are bored with your
hands, put on a pair of white, elbow length gloves. You'll feel very
pretty. Or, if white gloves aren't your thing, just rip stuff apart with
your bare hands. That feels good too.