Pantry proof that you can live a blended lifestyle.
As she reclined into her favorite chair, she popped the Weather Channel on to get an update on a rapidly approaching cold front. Instead of weather, meteorologist Jim Cantore was covering a special interest story on Punxsutawny Phil, an immortal groundhog known for his uncanny winter prognostications based on the presence of his shadow every February 2nd which marks the midpoint between winter and spring. Phil an affable though mysterious creature is known to whisper his forecast into the ear of the President of the Inner Circle of Gentlemen who is charged with the monumental task of protecting ancient groundhog day rites like the unpublished secret language called groundhog ease, the location of the life prolonging elixir which extends Phil's life annually, and historic rituals dating back to the Roman Empire and the midwinter German celebration of Candlemas. Legend says that if Phil sees his shadow that there will be six more weeks of winter. Six more weeks of winter will bring us to the auspicious date of March 16th-2 days after the annual switch to Daylight Saving's Time and 5 days before the spring equinox. So, is this prediction a good thing or a bad thing?
Phil tells the president in Gobblers Knob the top secret forecast in groundhog ease.
The focus of the Weather Channel's story was not however on Phil’s weather prediction skills, but rather on the breaking news that PETA:People For Ethical Treatment of Animals, had accused the secret circle of gentlemen of cruelty to Punxsutawny Phil for the last 120 years. They claimed that these purported crimes had created disrupted hibernation patterns, post traumatic stress syndrome from being pulled from his den into a mass crowd scene, and overfeeding resulting in a weight problem that was contributing to difficulty comfortably fitting himself into his den. PETA's solution? Replace Punxsutawny Phil with an animatronic version of himself!
At first, Igaina thought that the news story was pure nonsense and was ready to write a scalding editorial reflecting on this very thought. PETA obviously had gone too far, but then during a close-up of Phil with his handler, she gasped with horror!
Punxsutawny Phil’s shadow was tattered and ripped! She could see where his shadow had separated along the seams of his paw. Indeed the poor creature had been neglected! Quickly, in a frantic tizzy, she called her dear friend Ms. Windy Deerling, an adept seamstress and silhouette collector. At that point, unforeseen, miraculous, reality-defying events unfurled faster than a speeding bullet.
Peter Pan, a well known shadow connoisseur who is also known to dabble in the laws ruling eternal life, flew into Windy Deerling's room, grabbed her most cherished sewing kit and sprinkled magical fairy dust upon her which sent her flying up through the chimney where she disrupted a flock of starlings huddling for warmth on the brink of carbon monoxide asphyxiation. Peter then grabbed Windy's hand and rapidly flew them through the swirling snow, ice, winds and clouds to Punxsutawny, Pennsylvania to mend poor Phil’s shadow before the Groundhog's Day celebration dawned. Windy and Peter bravely arrived just before midnight under the cover of a moonless night and wiggled their way into Phil’s Den without much difficulty since Peter lives in a similar dwelling in his hometown isle of Neverland.
Illustration by Marjorie Torrey
Then by the light of Tinkerbell's sparkle, Windy set about using ancient hand sewing techniques portrayed in a vintage photo to repair Phil's ripped and separated shadow. Utilizing a Havel 9 inch Needle Doll and a matching strand of thread pulled from her very own head in order to secure Phil's shadow to his paw, Windy worked meticulously to meet the early morning deadline. Her stitching rate synced with the tick of the town square clock in Gobbler's Knob. At one crucial moment, Peter and Tinkerbell gasped as Punxsutawny Phil distracted himself from the significant pain by practicing his no thumbs texting technique which would be used to communicate his forecast to thousands for the first time in history!
After a grueling process, including many pulled and broken strands of hair, Windy successfully repaired Phil’s shadow. Her small, precise stitches can only be seen with a 10x magnifying glass. “Phil was really lucky that Igaina had such sharp eyesight! Groundhog’s Day could have been a real mess!” Said, Windy.
It appears that Phil will not be replaced by a robotic copycat since many problems still must be resolved. Engineers are not familiar with the ancient language of groundhog ease, they do not know where to find the life giving elixir that prolongs Phil’s life each year, nor can they effectively gain the trust of Punxsutawny’s inner circle of gentlemen who wear top hats to ascertain the exact nature of how the shadow forecasting works.
PETA has agreed to yearly shadow inspections and has placed Windy Deerling in charge of the newly formed committee called STAR:Shadow Tears and Repairs. They also have set up a committee to monitor all shadow detachments for appropriate safety and health protocols . Windy is delighted that Peter chose her for this rescue mission. “I never knew that I could have a job that so perfectly blends my hobbies with my skill base!” She announced at this mornings press conference. “I look forward to my new career . Who ever thought this would be possible!”.
HAPPY GROUNDHOG'S DAY!
DISCLAIMER: All contents, stories, & weather forecasts are completely fictional. Thank you to Peter Pan and the good people of Punxsutawny for their guidance in writing this unbelievable news story.
PROCLAIMER: For more information on Groundhog's Day, please use the Peter Pan Express and fly over to http://www.groundhog.org/index.php?id=30