It's that time of year again. The air is a tad crisp, the sun is setting earlier in the evening and rising later in the morning. The tips of the maple trees are even turning red and the miniature grasshoppers are all over the sidewalk- Crunch! Watch where you walk on the pavement!
In the USA, it's back to school and business as usual. That means it's time to tweak your autumn wardrobe and certainly time to tweak your facebook page. What condition is your avatar in?
Avatars who hang on the wall too long get frayed edges or completely unravel!
Windy Deerling of Shadows Tears and Repairs(STAR) is thrilled to re-offer her once in a lifetime March Silhouette Special to those folks who are ready to do something about their avatars that are looking faded and worn from hanging on the wall for too long! It's also an opportunity for folks who never used facebook's avatar to wish upon a STAR, try a silhouette and sparkle! Your spruced up page will capture everyone's attention! Find out how you can take advantage of this once in a lifetime opportunity!
INFO-MERCIAL
LA SILHOUETTE
We have to spell it to sell it!
OMG! Not him again!
Do you know this man? Of course not? That's the point. This is the white male silhouette (WMS)with a cowlick. He is generically used for all folks, new to facebook, who for one reason or another don't upload their own avatar pic or self-portrait. But what if you aren't this man, and you are another man? Maybe, you're a woman and your skin tone isn't quite so fair. Were you forced to upload an actual photo that violates your privacy because the white male silhouette was the only option and just didn't fit with who you are? Does this WMS fairly represent you?
But first, before you answer that question, carefully look at yourself in the mirror while you answer these questions.
ARE YOU WHITE? yes no
DO YOU HAVE A COWLICK? yes no
IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR BABY BLUE? yes no
If you answered 'no' to just one question then the answer is clear-facebook's default silhouette just isn't right for you!
La Silhouette is all about confidence, personality, individualism and security while you are making online friends with your offline friends. Your personalized avatar can cruise along visiting friends' walls securely. No more worries about whether anyone will think that you didn't age well. With La Silhouette, you'll be so popular that everyone will want to hang around your wall even when you're not 'home'! Don't you deserve to have both the illusion of anonymity, and popularity on facebook?
SEE! Personal, but anonymous-this dude's so cool even his silhouette has a shadow!
So, for a limited time only.....to celebrate this back to school season, STAR is offering the deal of a lifetime- 50% off individually designed silhouettes! The transformation to faceless is so quick and easy, you'll wonder why you didn't think of it!
BRACE YOURSELF! THESE PHOTOS BELOW SHOW REAL LIFE AVATAR ALTERATIONS WITHOUT ANESTHETIC!
BEFORE:
DURING ALTERATIONS
LA SILHOUETTE!
See what we mean? Personal, but not recognizable! It's just so easy! In just three easy steps! Go from this.....to that! That's right, This to that! And with our color-coded, securely encrypted photo process, your transition from face to faceless is 100% private! Imagine privacy guaranteed and all you have to do is give us a photo with a signed release that we own the exclusive rights to market your face when the time is right!
But that's not all!
If you hurry, we will include a 1 year maintenance plan that includes FREE! Yes, FREE SPA sevices for your silhouette. Imagine a plan that specializes in facials and hairstyling so that your avatar always looks freshly defaced and well-coiffed on each pageview. You won't have to worry about tattered edges or faded color like silhouettes on other online sites.
Yikes! This poor silhouette has been neglected!
And exclusive to facebook, these restorative procedures will be performed by aesthetic expert surgeon, Dr. Eyevin Lidman, who ingeniously discovered that cutting-edge plastic surgery techniques could be used in lieu of hand-sewing techniques, first introduced by Windy Deerling during the shadow detachment incident this past February on Groundhog's day when Punxsutawny Phil's aging shadow needed emergency rejuvenation.
Spa services include:
--Botox and fillers for small imperfections for the aging silhouette.
--Laser and bleach treatments to remove excess facial hair, surface blemishes and stains from over use.
--Color enhancement to perk up the silhouette that feels more like a wall flower than a wall hanging.
--A quick lunch-time threadlift to deal with the silhouette with a lot of loose ends.
Much better! Dr. Lidman is a genius! Bleached, Coiffed and Stunningly Silhouettish.
But best of all!
If you sign on for a personalized silhouette before September 10, 2010..... we'll throw in a personalized Silhouette for your pooch, or other huggable, squeezable, ooh she's so OMG cute!
You can securely share yourself and your puppy who is omg so cute!
And Best of all of the all!
We promise we'll spell the word Silhouette for you! You just write the abbreviation-Silly. We'll get the message loud and clear!
DISCLAIMER: facebook does not endorse fake products advertised in THE SNEE's satire news blog. All Content in This Blog is completely fictional! Inventions and products are solely the creation of imaginations.
PROCLAIMER: If we misspell silhouette, you'll get your personalized silhouette absolutely free!
ACCLAIMER: Spare-time on your hands? How about checking out THE SNEE's Silhouette/Shadowman Series in our archives to find out how facebook evolved from a white male dominated corporation to one that advocates for equal rights for all! You might be surprised what goes on around you!