CHAMP ARRESTED! Neighborhood All Washed Up!

Champ the sea monster demonstrates how to negotiate flood waters.  

Early Tuesday morning following the record breaking snow storm, Lydia Verdi of Burlingham, Vermont, scraped plates and pondered over the difference between a frittata and an omelet. Just as she was on the brink of articulating the difference, a wave of murky green icy water slammed through her window sending her to the floor with a shower of broken glass. Ms. Verdi who recently practiced balance exercises on her Wii Fit, jumped spryly to her feet to ascertain the exact nature of the unexpected catastrophe. “Fortunately, the kids were upstairs. All I got was wet”.

That wasn’t all she got. When Ms. Verdi looked out her kitchen window onto her flooded backyard, she got an eyeful. “At first, I saw what looked like a moose head with a multi-hump camel body transporting a Canadian goose on its back. But then I heard my kids upstairs screaming that Champ the rarely seen Lake Champlain sea monster was outside! I couldn’t believe it. I didn’t know that Sea Monsters and Geese Cavorted”!

Across the golf course where the flooding extended into basements, other witnesses described mayhem as people scrambled to rooftops and hilltops to avoid getting wet. Others put on their raincoats.

Neighborhoods weren’t the only thing getting flooded yesterday. The lines at the city’s water department flooded with calls that overflowed into the accounting offices. Vern Montine, a very good-natured long-time employee of the water department explains, “I’m a specialist in water, not phone lines. It was very tricky and exciting to be simultaneously managing these two very different scenarios involving overflow”.

Vern's smile lights up the phone lines.

In response to the huge number of calls, Vern and his colleagues went to investigate the bizarre situation. “We saw nothing at first, but suddenly there he was, beached in an empty golf course waterhole chatting up a Canadian goose aloft on his belly!” said Vern. The water filling the waterhole had apparently been displaced by Champ’s massive body weight. This combined with unprecedented snowfall the day before and subsequent warmer temperatures caused the flooding to occur.

Champ confided that his reasons for moving to the golf course were multifactorial. “I’m getting up there in years, I wanted to downsize my habitat, and the water conditions of the lake have deteriorated due to excessive boating, blue algae and increased development along the shoreline. The bottom line:The water hole at the golf course  had the right dimensions, offered so many amenities and was labeled as a Protected Area.  And then of course, I met Gertie Goose. She’s really nice.  I noticed her long neck and it just seemed like a perfect fit! I guess, I didn’t think about my size relative to the water.” Champ sheepishly admitted.

  My Footprint is too big and I want a sustainable lifestyle.

The elusive sea monster didn’t think of the serious repercussions of his actions either. The National Guard flew back from Afghanistan to deal with the local emergency.  A red hawk helicopter lifted a man from his home wearing a gorgeous poncho that he bought at EMS in preparation for the End of the World prediction occurring in 2012. “I’m really glad I got this poncho! I could’ve gotten super wet without it!” stated the lucky guy!

Flying Man Really Happy about his Poncho!

 

It is unclear whether Champ will get to enjoy his new digs since police arrested and cited him for water displacement, severe flood damage and trespassing along the watershed protective corridor in  Burlingham.  Champ who is enjoying suburban life would like to make the waterhole his home as soon as it is replenished with run-off. Environmentalists and PETA(People who Adore Tons of Animals) agree. Golf course residents don’t feel quite so welcoming. Wilson Verdi, whose house backs up to the water hole stated that he and his neighbors are uncomfortable with the way Champ  acts with the goose. “It’s just unseemly,” My kids keep asking me questions that I can’t answer”!  

Champ and Gertie Cavort on the Golf Course.

 

A court date is scheduled after April 1, 2011 to resolve these muddy issues. Until then Champ is cooperating with the authorities and is out on bail. He agreed to work off his ticket by working with the military to improve their camouflage strategies.

 

BREAKING NEWS!

CHAMP AND GERTIE GET ENGAGED BUT ARE TOLD, "IT'S AGAINST THE LAW!

CANADIAN GEESE FILE FOR RIGHT TO MARRY OTHER TYPES OF LONG NECKS!

DISCLAIMER:  THE SNEE is Satire. All Stories are preposterous. Any resemblance to real people or events is purely coincidental.

PROCLAIMER:  View THE SNEE frequently for more daring satire photo-journalistic stories. Our writers and photographers really REEEEACH for the story! Watch this You Tube video about Champ the Lake Champlain Sea Monster  here or read about it here.